What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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