What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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