What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.

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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!

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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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