What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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