What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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