What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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