What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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