What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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