What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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