What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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