What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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