What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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