What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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