What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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