What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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