What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.

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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon

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