What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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