What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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