What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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