What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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