What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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