What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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