What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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