What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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