What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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