What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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