What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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