What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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