What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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