What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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