What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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