What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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