What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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