What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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