What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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