What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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