What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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