What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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