What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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