What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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