What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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