What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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