What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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