What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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