What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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