What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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