What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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