What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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