What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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