What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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