What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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