What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.

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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.

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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.

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