What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."

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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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