What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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