What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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