What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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