What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."

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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.

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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang

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