What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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