What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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