What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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