What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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