What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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