What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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