What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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