What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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