What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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