What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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