What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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