What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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