What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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