What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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