What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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