What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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