What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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