What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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