What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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