What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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