What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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