What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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