What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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