What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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