What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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