What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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