What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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