What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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