What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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