What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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