What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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