What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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