What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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