What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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