What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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