What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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