What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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