What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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