What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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