What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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