What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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