What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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