What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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