What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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