What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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