What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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