What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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