What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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