What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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