What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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