What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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