What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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