What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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