What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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