What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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