What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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