What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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