What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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