What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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