What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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