What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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