What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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