What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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