What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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