What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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