What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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