What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.

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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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