What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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