What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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