What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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