What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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