What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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