What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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