What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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