What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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