What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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