What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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A seal walks into a club...
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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