What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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