What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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