What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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