What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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