What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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