What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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