What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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