What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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