What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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