What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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