What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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