What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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