What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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