What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.

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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.

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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.

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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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