What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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