What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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