What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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