What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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