What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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