What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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