What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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