What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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