What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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