What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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