What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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