What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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