What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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