What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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