What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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