What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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