What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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