What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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