What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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