What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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