What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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