What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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