What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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