What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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