What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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