What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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