What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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