What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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