What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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