What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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