What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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