What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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