What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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