What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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