What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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