What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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