What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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