What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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