What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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