What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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