What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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