What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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