What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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