What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!

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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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