What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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