What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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