What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.

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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!

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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.

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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin

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