What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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