What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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