What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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