What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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