What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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