What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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