What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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