What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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