What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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