What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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