What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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