What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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