What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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