What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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