What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle

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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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