What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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