What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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