What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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