What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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