What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Can you use pink,yellow and green in a sentence?

. The phone went green green, and I pinked it up and said yellow.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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