What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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