What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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