What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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