What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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