What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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