What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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