What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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