What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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