What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.

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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.

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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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