What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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