What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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