What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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