What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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