What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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