What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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