What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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