What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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