What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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