What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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