What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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A seal walks into a club...
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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