What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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