What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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