What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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