What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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