What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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