What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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