What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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