What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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