What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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