What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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