What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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