What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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