What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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