What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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