What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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