What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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