What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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