What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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