What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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