What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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