What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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