What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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