What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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