What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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