What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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