What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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