What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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