What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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