What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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