What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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