What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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