What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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