What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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