What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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