What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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