What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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