What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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