What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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