What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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