What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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