What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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