What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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