What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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