What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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