What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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