What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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