What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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