What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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