What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!

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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.

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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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