What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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