What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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