What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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