What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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