What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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