What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.

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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.

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