What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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