What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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