What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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