What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).


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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.

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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva


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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

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