What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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