What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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