What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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