What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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