What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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