What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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