What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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