What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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