What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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