What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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