What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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