What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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