What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.

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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.

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