What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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