What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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