What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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