What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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