What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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