What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.


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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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