What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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