What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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