What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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