What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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