What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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