What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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