What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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