What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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