What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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