What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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