What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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