What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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