What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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