What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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