What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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