What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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