What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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