What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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