What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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