What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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