What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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