What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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