What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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