What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.

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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon


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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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