What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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