What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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