What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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