What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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