What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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