What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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