What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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