What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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