What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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