What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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