What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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