What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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