What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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