What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!

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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

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