What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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