What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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