What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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