What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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