What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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