What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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