What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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