What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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