What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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