What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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