What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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