What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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