What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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