What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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