What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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