What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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