What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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