What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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