What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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