What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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