What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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