What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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