What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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