What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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