What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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