What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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