What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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