What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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