What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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