What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.

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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

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