What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.


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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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