What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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