What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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