What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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