What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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