What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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