What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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