What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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