What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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