What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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