What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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