What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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