What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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