What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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