What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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