What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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