What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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