What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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