What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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