What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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