What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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