What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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