What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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