What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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