What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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