What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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