What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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