What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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