What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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