What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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