What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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