What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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A seal walks into a club...
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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