What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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