What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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