What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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