What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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