What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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