What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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