What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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