What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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