What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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