What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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