What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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