What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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