What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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