What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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