What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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