What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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