What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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