What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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