What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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