What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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