What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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