What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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