What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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