What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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