What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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