What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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