What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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