What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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A seal walks into a club...
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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