What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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