What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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