What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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