What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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