What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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