What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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