What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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