What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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