What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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