What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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