What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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