What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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