What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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