What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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