What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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