What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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