What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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