What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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