What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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