What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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