What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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