What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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