What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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