What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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