What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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