What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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