What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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