What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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