What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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