What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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