What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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