What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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