What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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