What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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