What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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