What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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