What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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