What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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