What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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