What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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