What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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