What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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