What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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