What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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