What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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