What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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