What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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