What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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