What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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