What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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