What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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