What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.

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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.

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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras

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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.

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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.

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