What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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