What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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