What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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