What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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