What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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