What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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