What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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