What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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