What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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