What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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