What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.

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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom

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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."

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