What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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