What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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