What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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