What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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