What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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