What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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