What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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