What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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