What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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