What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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