What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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