What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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