What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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