What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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