What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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