What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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