What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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