What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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