What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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