What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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