What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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