What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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