What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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