What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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