What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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