What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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