What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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