What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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