What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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