What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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