What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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