What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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