What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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