What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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