What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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