What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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