What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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