What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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