What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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