What has a head but no body?

A nail.

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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.

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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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