What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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