What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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