What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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