What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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