What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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