What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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