What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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