What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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