What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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