What has a head but no body?

A nail.

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies

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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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