What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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