What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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