What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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