What has a head but no body?

A nail.

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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.

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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.

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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic

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