What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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