What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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