What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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