What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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