What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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