What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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