What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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