What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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