What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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