What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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