What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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