What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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