What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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