What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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