What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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