What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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