What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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