What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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