What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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