What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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