What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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