What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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