What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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