What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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