What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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