What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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