What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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