What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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