What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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