What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.

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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends

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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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