What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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