What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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