What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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