What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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