What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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