What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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