What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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