What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.

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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.

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