What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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