What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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