What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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