What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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