What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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