What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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