What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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