What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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