What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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