What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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