What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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