What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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