What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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