What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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