What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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