What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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