What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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