What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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