What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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