What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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