What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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