What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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