What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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