What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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