What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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