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What has four legs but never stands?
A Chair!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?
Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it
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Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they are black and white.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?
When the door is open.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?
Happy Owl-ween!
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What is the snake's favorite subject?
Hiss-story
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?
In Washington, D.C.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.
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