What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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