What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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