What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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