What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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