What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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