What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.

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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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