What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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