What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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