What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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