What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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