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What has four legs but never stands?
A Chair!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
On the bottom.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?
We make perfect cents.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?
Glass flippers.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?
"Trike or Treat"?
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?
The Flea Stooges!
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What kind of potato chips fly?
Plane ones.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?
Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that's just nuts
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