What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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