What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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