What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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