What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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