What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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