What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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