What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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