What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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