What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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