What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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