What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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