What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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