What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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