A sponge!
or
Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
or
That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
or
Some day my prints will come.
or
he got a little behind in his work.
or
but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
or
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
or