What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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