What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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