What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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