What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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