What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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