What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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