What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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