What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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