What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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