What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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