What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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