What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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