What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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