What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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