What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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