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What has legs but doesn't walk?
A bed.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
Is that you mommy?
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What kind of cars do cats drive?
Catillacs
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
There are footprints in the butter.
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Why did the cow cross the road?
Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?
It was in a pickle!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?
Beef jerky
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with
but I've been trippin' all day.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?
Breaking up is hard to do.
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