What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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