What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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