What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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