What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!

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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".

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