What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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