What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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