What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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