What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?

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