What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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