What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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