What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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