What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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